Griftin' Ego's in the House of the Rising Sun
“I said “Yo the brother don’t swear he nice, he knows he nice”
Ya know what I’m sayin?
So Chuck, I got a feeling you turning into a Public Enemy”
MAN
Contagious and catastrophic while seemingly looking for C’s. What does a letter really start. Impulses lead to so much more. Lightning in a bottle to be Caught. Once Caught, where does the energy go. What bounces around in the vacuum of an empty structure standing falsely against the rising sun. A whole lot of bravado and mother fuckin’ nonsensical shattered perceived-perfection. I failed.
“On a bathroom wall I wrote
”I’d rather argue with you than be with someone else”
I took a piss and dismiss it like “fuck it”
And I went and found somebody else”
Run away baby, as fast as you can. Because I will rot you one seemingly kind action at a time. And when it all ends, it’ll be a blown out speaker at the end of a show. A lot of crackling and moving of bodies. I’ll always want to connect in that static, but will have been lost in the crowd. Wishing I hadn’t ever even bought into the hype of fleeting concerts. Just a sucker for a show.
“Fuck arguing and harvesting the feelings
Yo, I’d rather be by my fucking self
Till about two a.m. and I call back
And I hang up and I start to blame myself
Somebody help”
There is nothing more stereotypically profound than the impact of Love & Hate. Because what these emotional twins amount to, is motivation. No hurry. Motivation amounts to action; actions beautiful beyond belief and actions insurmountably ugly. Slow it down. Where motivation was first gathered gives tribute to perspectives. You got some time. Perspectives are embedded in morals. You'll have & of had your time in every sense of the tense. Moral perspectives subjective to molecules passing through pathways of the Ego magnetized by Love & Hate. There is nothing more stereotypically profound than the impact of -
“Just a formless guilt you will never atone for”
You're done. Run the wheel. Find the released motivational drip & pray it brings perspective.
Griftin’ Ego’s. Swindling the self, one imposed lie at a time. And if the sun don’t shine on me today, may I be the only casualty. May the gravity of my loneliness reside within this dying star of an angry soul. May there be bounds of courtesy & kindness so that I don’t feel & and then feel. May I find my ditch to roll into where no hands had to be dirtied to dig. May I not wake and nobody mourn. Discuss. Cry. Wonder. Regret. None of it. Just let be a reality that just…wasn’t, that into it. That was too abstractly self-developed. Sitting on a porch watching the antithesis of what an end would be. A rising sun. A small promise that the world will continue to turn without the need of you. A clean, beautiful reverie.
“And I know I did damage
Cause the look in your eyes is killing me
I guess you are at an advantage
Cuz you can blame me for everything
And I don’t know how I’ma manage
If one day you just up and leave”
Reveries & memories. Piano keys & dormant dreams. Learning to place these soft keys into neatly folded rays from memories of a rising sun. A house I never asked for. But…did very much build. And did very much destroy more beautiful ballrooms. Delicate dances disheveled into dust. Glass floors been stomped on with promises of glass ceilings broken.
“All in your mind with fears that would come true
Back of the back, the back of the mind was you
Wishing that I could blind myself from view
And only have eyes, only have eyes for you”
Sun’s Getting…
…real low…and as I walk this empty street, I search for shadows of a self that I thought existed. But it didn’t. Tread marks turning into dug up graves lacking bones to build upon. Upon. Once upon my mind, there was a design. It made sense and everything in it was happy. But I was very, very wrong. And if I could have my choice again, then I would never love again. But choices aside - I’d only ever love once, that’s my choice. Shots aimed at chandeliers and tapestries left torn while mattresses meant to support, only host pillows of nightmares deserved.
Throwing chunks of your heart on either side of the yellow lines like you could really follow those crumbs back. You’re a fool if you thought it’d be that simple. You asked to be empty. You looked to refill. But Rome wasn’t built in a day and you were…well, kind of a shit town. Go ahead and flex on your shit decisions.
We are all our own unfortunate paths of destruction. And sometimes that’s the easiest path. But what is easy is not earned. What is not earned, is not deserved. I rock a few black bands that ask me to try, and maybe I should start listening to my own cryptic clues. Maybe it’s time to grow. Burning it down and forging foundation is the same coin. Flipping it is for the indecisive.
He KNOWS’Z he nice. Why else would he add a Z. Because the same Ego that spawned him, also destroyed him. But like the piss that comes out of the body of someone super mother-fucking-doopety-high on shrooms can still get you psilocybin-high, I’m like the same thing. Public Enemy. A sweet, sweet delusional flippable coin of an ego that is Vegas odd’s tilted toward coming out on…
What do you do then? Grift an ego. Pretend. Live in the shade of make believe. Everyone has gospel, but most lack conviction. Damage those hard floors with your cheek.
So is there a Vol. 2 of best hits in this lifetime. Is it a Redux of the previous. A Has-Been performance with less writers, more honesty & a most likely rum-fueled trek upwards into a descent of callous madness. The upside down. With better bass. You’re God Damn fucking right, sweet morning Angel. Let’s chimi these fucking changas.
